When not to use AI.

A library of things to ask AI should also say when not to ask. Knowing when to close the chat is part of using it well.

When the struggle is the point

Learning is the clearest case. Working it out is where the learning happens, and a finished answer skips it. In his 2026 essay “Choosing to Stay Human,” Wharton professor Ethan Mollick cites evidence that students who used ChatGPT for homework underperformed, while AI tutoring that supported their effort helped.

Grief is another. An assistant can handle the paperwork after a loss. It cannot mourn for you.

So is any letter that should be yours: a eulogy, an apology, a wedding toast, a note to your kid. The person reading it wants your words, including the clumsy ones.

When being wrong is expensive and you cannot check

Assistants make mistakes and sound sure while making them. A confident tone is not evidence, and neither is a list of sources. If you can check the answer, by opening a source or asking someone who knows, go ahead. If you cannot, and a mistake would cost you money, your health or a legal right, do not act on it.

When it is about another person’s private life

A friend’s diagnosis, a coworker’s personal trouble, your child’s details: these are not yours to hand over. Many assistants now remember what you tell them. If you need help with a situation involving someone else, swap names for roles and leave out anything that identifies them.

When you need a professional

An assistant cannot examine you and takes no responsibility for what happens next. For symptoms, medication, mental health, legal disputes, tax, debt and investing, the useful job for AI is preparation: organizing what you have noticed, explaining terms, listing questions to bring. The decision belongs with a doctor, therapist, lawyer or licensed adviser. If it is urgent, skip the chat and call your local emergency number.

When you need a friend

Assistants agree with people too easily. One study of 11 leading models found they affirmed users’ actions about 50 percent more than people did. People who got the agreeable answers were less willing to repair a conflict. A friend can disagree with you, remember last year and show up at your door. When you are lonely, hurt or in the middle of a fight with someone you love, call a person.

If you want to learn, ask for a tutor

ChatGPT, Claude and Gemini each now offer a learning mode. Look for a study or learning option in your app and switch it on before you start. These modes are built to guide you with questions and hints instead of handing over the result. In any assistant, you can ask for the same in plain words:

I’m learning [topic] and want to do the thinking myself. Don’t give me the answer. Ask me one question at a time, tell me when I’m wrong and why, and give a hint only when I ask. When I can explain it back in my own words, tell me what is still shaky.

Copy prompt

Keep, share, hand over

Before you open the chat, sort the task into one of three piles.

• Keep what makes you who you are: skills you want to own, words that carry your name, time with people you love.
• Share what a second mind improves while you stay in charge: weighing a decision, preparing for a hard conversation, getting a draft criticized. You check what matters and make the call.
• Hand over the chores where a mistake is cheap and easy to spot: reformatting, tidying notes, a first list of ideas.

Ask what you would lose if you never did this yourself again. If the answer is nothing, hand it over. If it is a skill or a relationship, keep it.